I don’t feel bad for Don Imus. You may remember what happened. Imus, a nationally-syndicated, 30-year broadcast veteran known for his aloof, outspoken manner, was fired by NBC and MSNBC for his derogatory comment about the African-American-dominated Rutgers women’s college basketball team. In a statement made hours after the broadcast, Imus said (paraphrased here) that anyone that listens to his program regularly would not have taken his comment seriously. It was part of the tongue-in-cheek style of his show. His defense was that “it’s just the way I do business.” Fortunately, many others were able to convince him to look at his actions much differently. If Don Imus can be fired for what he said on the radio, what should be grounds for firing an employee that commits the same kind of offense while serving a customer? Just like Imus abused his listeners, there are thousands of service-based employees that abuse customers. They believe it’s OK to do things the way they want to do them because it’s their “style”. It’s who they are. If a customer is offended, so what? It’s no big deal. And if no one does anything about it, the practice goes on and on. In the 70’s, comedian George Carlin wrote a standup bit called The Seven Dirty Words You Can’t Say On Television. I believe there should be a list of The Seven Dirty Words You Can’t Say To A Customer. Say any one of these to a customer in a service-based position, and you should be fired faster than Don Imus: #1 – “Can’t” Examples: “Sorry, we can’t do that for you.” “I can’t give you a refund without a receipt.” If you’re serving someone, your customer deserves the most positive spin on the situation possible. Even if someone is requesting something from you that you cannot do, there are ways to phrase the answer that uses the word “can” instead: Positive Examples: “I’m sorry that I’m not able to do that, but I can do this instead.” Or, “Without your receipt, I can give you the current sale price as a refund, or you can certainly keep the item if you like.” #2 – “Don’t” (as an emphasized word) Examples: “I don’t take complaints from that department.” “We don’t sell what you’re looking for.” You’ve probably experienced these comments before as a customer. Service experts look for the ‘do’s in these situations, and leave the ‘don’t’s out: Positive Examples: “I can see you’re upset. Let me take you to the person who can help you with that.” Or, “We’re not qualified to do that kind of work, but let me recommend a few that can.” #3 – “Idunno” (one word for “I don’t know”) This answer is the single most ridiculous comeback in the history of customer service. It helps no one, highlights your ignorance, and makes the customer angry all at once. You’re almost better off saying nothing at all, but if you have to open your mouth, try something like these: “Gee, that’s a tough one. Let’s see what we can do.” Or, “I think I know who might have the answer to that.” #4 – “What?” (or its younger and dumber cousin: “Huh?”) If you didn’t hear what your customers said, you’re probably not paying enough attention to them. Respond in a more polite way: “Excuse me, I didn’t quite hear what you said.” Or, “Could you repeat that, please?” #5 – Heavy sigh (exhaling in disgust, usually accompanied by rolling of the eyes) As a customer, you know what this is about. You’ve just asked the same dumb question that someone else asked five minutes ago. Oh, the drama! As a service provider, understand that the person who just asked you a question doesn’t even know that person from five minutes ago. Respond positively and appropriately, not in a way that makes the asker feel stupid. #6 -- “Sure!” (overdone with clenched teeth and a syrupy-sweet mocking gesture, as if to say, “I’d like to quit right now, but I have to say something nice because the boss is listening”) #7 -- “No.” (spoken firmly, finally, and in an uncaring way) Whatever the question, there is a positive way to answer it. Try one of these: “We’re not able to refund your money, but we can give you a replacement at no charge.” Or, “I’m sorry, but that item is sold out. Would you like a rain check?” If these Seven Words were outlawed in the service industry, we’d all receive better and more polite service. Don Imus got the ax for it. But if you’re a service provider, it’s not too late for you.